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I'm a firm believer in the 'everything happens for a reason' philosophy. Even though it's a mantra I repeat to myself each time I need to find my cup half-full moment, the cup half-empty syndrome may rear its ugly head for a short time. I'm obsessively positive to the great annoyance of those who love me anyways, so the fact that something can agitate me for a very long time is unusual. Aging is one such thing that highly annoys me and a certain milestone coming up has spiraled my normal smiling face into a 'who is that looking at me in the mirror' mode. I have never acted my age, and still occasionally get carded by the rare person who must need glasses or just came off an all-night bender, but my brain hasn't caught up with my actual age yet.
Why do we do that? I know there are many who judge their personal accomplishments by the age they are when they reach them. It can often push them into a state of depression where nothing seems to make sense anymore. Twenty-five was the magic year a deplorable mental attitude took hold of me. I felt I hadn't reached my life goals and rushed with a fool hardy sense of urgency that taught me through the school of hard knocks to not be a weenie without a sensible plan. That's when I decided age had nothing to do with what I could accomplish and began to swim in my own lane. I became a woman with an attitude where the 'you can't do that' naysayers got to know the 'watch me prove you wrong' me. I have always been the auntie or mother whose eclectic music & reading tastes seemed to shock more than one person. My friends sent me their teenagers when they just didn't understand them anymore. My home became the halfway house for more than one teen during the years they were trying to find themselves and move forward. I'm the one who instigates a game of hide-n-seek or 'tickle monster' at family gatherings which results in squealing children running all over the house. Dancing on a table just because it looks like fun has happened... and I wasn't even inebriated. Nope, acting my age hasn't really been a part of my world and being completely spontaneous and silly has been. For years I've lived in my rose colored world and the person I saw in the mirror was a reflection of who I was many years ago. Not who I am today. It's the strangest thing to age and not feel it or see it. So in my 'everything happens for a reason' mode, I've once again been wandering listlessly--wondering what will finally make me happy about who I'm about to become with this upcoming milestone. The person in the mirror is no longer rose colored and the tell tale signs creep up daily. Aging gracefully hasn't exactly been on my mind as I stick my tongue out at that woman in the mirror. LOL Then it happened. That defining moment that made it all make sense. I'm going to be a gramma. It didn't even occur to me to think that I'm too young to be a gramma because I'm so darn excited about the babe that's on its way! I get to be outrageously naughty and spoil this child rotten, and then send the adorable grandbaby home to mom and dad to deal with after I'm done. Weeeeeeeee! Rockin' gramma is my new identity. How cool is that? P.S. I tore up the AARP application that arrived. Rockin' gramma still needs a rose colored world for just a bit longer. Besides, DH is already a cardholder, so we'll just pretend for now and use his discount. *grin*
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